DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white
bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered
couch in the living room.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out
once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your
hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you
do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to
shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for
dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit,
you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and
run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and
falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their
person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms
include staring blankly at the person, then running in the
opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an
end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms,
so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling
uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and
following at their heels.
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating
it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and
wipe your whiskers clean.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when
they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and
without restriction. The best way you can show your love
is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you